


The Ultimate Sacrifice

by javelin



Category: 24 (TV)
Genre: Character Study, Depression, Emotional pain, Gen, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-29
Updated: 2014-05-29
Packaged: 2018-01-27 01:52:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1710647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/javelin/pseuds/javelin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan Chappelle's brother finds out the brutal truth about what exactly happened to Ryan on that fateful morning...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in 2006 (never posted it outside the long defunct official 24 board, so there is a high chance you have never seen it before).  
> It was written on request of a friend of mine and is supposed to be an in-depth Ryan Chappelle character study. So, if you don't at least somewhat like this character you can probably stop reading right now...  
> This was my first fanfic ever.  
> English is not my native language.
> 
> This fic is pretty dark and depressing, just sayin'...
> 
> *** IMPORTANT ***
> 
> For this fic to make sense - please keep in mind that (for those who don't know this yet):
> 
> \- Ryan's brother is canon (as mentioned in episode 3x18) (His name is not, though, I made that up.)  
> \- Ryan's wedding ring is also canon - he can be seen wearing it throughout all seasons he appeared in.  
> \- his wife and kids are somewhat canon - they are mentioned in the book "Findings at CTU" (check the 24 wiki for more info).  
> \- the fact that Ryan's wife died (six years before season 3 to be precise) is also somewhat canon - this was mentioned in a deleted line that appeared in the original shooting script for that episode. Yes, seriously.

After Chappelle’s death it was no problem at all for Chloe to find out the whereabouts of his brother Darren to tell him that Ryan was dead. The message shocked him to the core.

 

Chloe wasn’t allowed to give him any exact details by phone, so Jack was instructed to visit Darren Chappelle to inform him personally about the circumstances of his brother’s death.

 

 _Why does it have to be me_ , Jack thought shaking his head whilst standing in front of Darren´s apartment in downtown Los Angeles. He was having a hard time anyway trying to suppress his bad conscience even though _he was confident_ that there hasn’t been any possibility to avoid it. Nevertheless he felt miserable everytime he thought of that particular morning when he was forced to shoot his superior…

 

Jack took a deep breath before ringing the doorbell.

 

Darren’s wife opened the door a few seconds later. After a quick exchange of words she asked Jack to go through to Darren’s workroom.

 

 _I have a brother I haven´t spoken to in years_ – Jack thought about this portentous words. Given the fact that Ryan and Darren apparently didn’t have any contact to each other for years, Darren was quite persistent when trying to find out about the circumstances of how his brother died as fast as possible. Jack asked himself why before knocking the door. He stepped inside.

 

Jack was shocked by what he saw – the man sitting behind his desk looked exactly like Ryan, with the sole difference that he had a long scar across his chin. Jack was by no means prepard that Darren was Ryan’s _twin brother_. He tried his best not to show his irritation and the bad conscience that untimely came to his mind just now. Darren looked at Jack with a plain smile. A smile in combination with Ryan Chappelle’s face – that was something that just didn’t go along. Jack was overwhelmed by his emotions and confusion but didn’t show any of it. At least he _hoped_ to give an appropriate appearance.

 

“Mr Bauer, thank you for visiting me on that short notice.” Darren said.

“Of course,” Jack replied in a broken, quiet tone of voice.

“Please take a seat.”

 

Even though he was smiling, Jack could see Darren’s mourning and desperation caused by the loss of his brother in his eyes. It’s not easy to play such feelings down but Darren tried his best to appear calm and collected. Jack was having trouble to look him straight into the eyes – he was overwhelmed too much by the thoughts of that morning about three weeks ago.

 

“Ryan never told me that he has a _twin_ brother.“ Jack picked up the dialogue after seconds of haunting silence.

“Did you know my brother well?“

“No, not really. Ryan just came from Division to CTU from time to time _to help us out_.”

 

Normally Jack would have told anyone his exact thoughts when asked, but the first thought that came to his mind – _to make it no secret of who is in charge_ – seemed pretty inappropriate to Jack on this occasion. He even regretted this thought a moment later. Ryan tried to keep Jack from how _he_ wanted to handle things not just once and generally gave him a hard time at CTU whenever he was there, but after Jack was forced to murder him – and especially after seeing the discomposure and hopeless desperation in Ryan’s eyes as he wasn’t able to shoot himself – in this particular moment something in Jack broke. There was no way he could ever have any bad thoughts about his former superior again.

 

In the back of his head Jack thought about a gentle possibility to confront Darren with the fact that it was _him_ who killed Ryan. Jack was told by Chloe that Darren knew nothing more except for that his brother _was killed in the line of duty_ – so Jack decided to be very cautious when confronting Darren with the truth. Even though he knew Darren Chappelle for just about 2 minutes by now, he appeared so different to Ryan from the first impression – open minded, friendly and emotional. Jack was quite unsure about how he would handle the truth.

 

Darren sighed. “So...my brother died in the line of duty, that´s all I know by now – if you would please tell me what happened exactly. I need to know it. Ryan wasn’t out in the field for years, so what happened to him? I remember him having a quite safe job behind a desk – did he quit it and went out in the field again?” The final sentence came out of Darren in a very broken and silent tone of voice. He had to pull himself together very hard to not be overwhelmed by his emotions.

 

Jack wondered himself more and more why two brothers who apparently feel a lot for each other wouldn’t have any contact for several years. At least Darren’s feelings were real and honest, Jack could tell that from his years of experience. Of course there was no way for him to tell what Ryan’s feelings towards his brother have been like.

 

“And his kids really would like to know as well what happened to their father. It was difficult enough to confront them with the fact that he is dead without having the slightest idea _why_.”

 

Jack was torn out of his thoughts with indescribable brutality. _Kids? What kids? Ryan told me that there was no one he could have called except for the brother he apparently didn’t want to call._ Slowly it came to Jack’s mind that Ryan’s final words couldn’t have been all of the truth. This uncertainty didn’t do any good to his already bad conscience – but of course he had to keep it for himself. Until now Darren believed that Jack had just visited him to tell him how and why his brother had to die…

 

There was no way for Jack to tell Darren right away that it was him who shot his brother, he just couldn’t. Even though Darren deserved to be told the truth right here and now.

 

“If you want, I can take you to the place where it happened.“ Jack needed to gain some time and deep inside he hated himself for not telling Darren right away.

“You were with him when he died?”

 

Jack nodded his head without saying a word.

 

Darren was having a strange feeling that Jack was beating around the bush quite a lot. He asked himself why for a moment, but was too depressed and therefore lacked any energy to deal with this strange feeling any longer. But he was overwhelmed by the dreadful fear that Ryan had died under circumstances so cruel that he couldn’t be told straightforward.

 

“Yes, please take me there.“ Darren said and stood up.

 

The ride from downtown Los Angeles to the train yard would take about half an hour. Jack hoped to find out some more about Ryan’s background in the meantime. It probably wouldn’t do his conscience any good – but in the long run the uncertainty would tear him down even more.

 

The first minutes of the ride went on in silence. Jack was staring concentrated and determined on the traffic; Darren was just staring absent-minded with his head lowered. At first no one dared to break the silence.

 

Jack was aware that if he wasn’t to start the dialogue right now he might not get another chance.

 

“So you and Ryan haven’t seen each other for years?”

“Yes, for about six years, unfortunately. And now it is too late…”

 

Jack hesitated for a moment before saying as sensitive and calm as possible: “May I ask why not?”

 

“Because he didn’t want me to see.”

 

Before he continued talking, Darren thought for a moment that it really wasn’t any of Jack’s business – he did come to tell him how Ryan had died – not to question him about any personal stuff, didn’t he? But then he thought what difference it would make now anyway. Apparently he wouldn’t get any answers from Jack by asking him directly – so he decided to answer Jack’s questions in the hope he might be given the answers to _his_ questions later.

 

“The day Ryan’s wife Victoria died something happened to him – as if he was a total different person from one day to the other. It’s not like his wife died without advance warning – she died after suffering quite some time from a fatal illness. So Ryan was not unprepared but nevertheless a part of him died together with his wife, no doubt about that.”

 

Darren was speaking in a very quiet, calm and soundless tone of voice. Jack listened to him very attentively; and even though the traffic required most of his attention he looked over to Darren from time to time. Jack’s facial expression had turned to stone in the meantime – but still he tried not to show too much of his sympathy and his bad conscience.

 

“Ryan wasn’t accessible for several weeks. It got better after some time, but anytime I called him – and I called him quite often because we were really close all of our life – he was very shortspoken und always just told me that he had “work to do”. Ryan was very ambitious all his life but after Victoria’s death he immersed himself into his work even more. I wanted to help him deal with his mourning, wanted him to know that I will always be there for him, but he just wanted to be left alone. So eventually I accepted his wish. It broke my heart to see him suffer like that, but what could I have done? I couldn’t force him to talk to me or to accept my help. I know that he didn’t break the contact to me because he hated me all of a sudden, no he just didn’t want to burden me with his mourning. But for me that didn’t make it any easier.”

 

Darren paused shortly to pull himself together. He had to force himself really hard not to suffer a breakdown. He still asked himself why he told Jack – the man he didn’t even know – all of this, but on the other hand it was a relief for him to talk about his emotions.

 

Jack didn’t say anything anymore, he just couldn’t. In his head his thoughts were going wild; the scenes from the fateful morning at the train yard were suddenly on his mind as well as the fact that he never consciously realized that Ryan was wearing a wedding ring. All the time. He never thought about Ryan’s family. He never asked him about his wife or if he had any kids. He never thought about the fact that behind his superior – whom he hated most of the time for his “by the books”-mentality – was a human being with his own thoughts and feelings. For him Ryan was just the personified lack-of-emotion. He never asked himself _why_ Ryan was like this. Jack felt just miserable.

 

Darren continued; in an even more calm and soundless tone of voice.

 

“Ryan didn’t see anything besides his work anymore, he desperately tried to drown his feelings by working 14 hours or even longer a day. I saw him the last time at Victoria’s funeral. He was broken, like turned to stone and hardly spoke to me or the others at the funeral. When I looked into his eyes for the last time I saw that all his emotions seemed to have died; self-protection I suppose - would he have given in to his despair I guess he would have died some weeks after his wife because of a broken heart. I will never forget his facial expression. A facial expression that just seemed to ask “Why? Why her? Why now?” But somehow he managed to force himself to live on and if it was for his kids only. He wouldn’t want them to lose both parents one after another within a few weeks. Ryan always loved his three kids very much und spent lots of time with them when they were younger. And even when they moved away to live their own lives they always kept regular contact to Ryan. He turned away from them as well; didn’t want to talk to them anymore as he didn’t want to speak to anyone. Some time later they just took it as granted that Ryan seemed to live for nothing else but his work anymore and wasn’t interested in anything besides it. If they ever came to understand why I can’t tell until now. Maybe they just thought their father lost his interest in them – like many other fathers do as soon as the children are grown up and move away. I know that he never lost his interest in them – I hope that one day they will see it as well. But they were just disgusted by Ryan’s behaviour and stopped trying to talk to him one day.”

 

_Oh my God, what have I done?_

 

Slowly Jack was able to build up an answer to why Ryan didn’t want to call anyone before he died. He didn’t want to make it even more difficult for Jack to kill him. Ryan wanted him to believe that he is “just” going to kill his superior – not the father of three kids - who turned into the person that Jack despised most of the time just because of mourning and despair. Ryan had been fully aware of what Jack thought of him – he knew that he was respected as a superior but hated as person; not only by Jack but by most of his coworkers. He used this fact to his advantage – Jack hesitated to shoot him but _was finally able_ to do it. All of a sudden it was also obvious to Jack why Ryan had asked to shoot himself – he wanted to relief Jack of the burden to do so – and not because it was more dignified to shoot himself whilst kneeling in the dirt like a criminal. Of course Jack was only assuming all of this – but the fact that Ryan finally wasn’t able to kill himself spoke very much in favour of Jack’s assumptions.

 

Jack looked over to Darren for a short moment and nodded his head in a sympathetic and thankful manner for talking to him so straightforward.

 

Darren, on his part, was slowly able to build up an answer to why Jack was so extremely battered by what he just told him; why he still hadn’t told him yet what exactly had happened to Ryan. But he refused to spend anymore time on this thoughts…

 

The final minutes of the ride to the train yard seemed to take hours for Darren and Jack and both of them didn’t dare to pick up the dialogue again. They were both to wrapped up in their thoughts.

 

When they arrived at the train yard, Jack led Darren to the place where it had happened without saying a word. Jack felt at least as bad as he had felt on that morning when he led Ryan to this place to end his life.

 

Jack looked to the ground; to the spot where there were still some traces of dried blood visible – Ryan´s blood – before looking Darren deep into the eyes, pulling himself together as good as he was able to manage and telling him as sensitive and calm as possible what exactly had happened on that morning some time ago.

 

As Jack was finished talking he was prepared for any kind of reaction – he even would have understood if Darren would have tried to inflict physical violence upon him. But Darren just looked at him without saying anything – whilst having the _exact_ same facial expression that Ryan had shortly before holding Jack’s gun to his own head. The facial expression of utter despair and helplessness – that is so extreme that words can hardly describe. This view was _a lot_ more difficult to bear for Jack compared to the possibility that Darren could just have beaten him down.

 

Tears ran across Darren’s face while he still looked at Jack without saying anything; but eventually he turned away and sat down on the ground. With his head buried inside his hands he gave in to his emotions about the loss of his brother. Jack left him alone and sat down in some distance. Jack was now too overwhelmed as well to repress his emotions any longer.

 

So both of them cried while the dusk slowly closed in.

 

_Darren for what he had lost._

_Jack for what he has done._


	2. Chapter 2

The while they were sitting at the train yard felt like an eternity – both wrapped up in their misery. Memories of Ryan were flashing through their minds – from their own personal viewpoints. This was the moment when it became even more clear to Jack that nothing in this world could help him to forget the moment when he shot Ryan. The pointlessness of his death; the fact that he complied into murdering him in the first place; Darren’s facial expression.

 

Jack buried his face deeper and deeper into his hands – realizing that there was no way to ever redeem himself for what he has done. But it was not self-pity but rather honest guilt because he could have refused to kill Ryan; tell Palmer that there is no way he would ever kill an innocent man on his demand. Jack also realized that it was probably the friendship he had with President Palmer that somehow forced something in his subconscious mind to do it – loyalty…?

 

_Murder in the name of loyalty…?_

 

He was looking for excuses – to calm himself down – to keep himself from throwing up and to forget the fact that they could not sit here indefinitely – that too soon the moment would come when he had to stand up to face Darren again – to look into his eyes once more. This thought alone was almost unbearable.

 

Darren’s thoughts were circling around the last memories he had of Ryan – scenes from the funeral – the last time he had seen his brother. Was this really the end? He couldn’t accept the fact that Ryan was dead – _murdered_ – to make it even worse.

 

_Killed by a bullet that blew most of his head off._

 

Darren couldn’t accept that he would never be able to see Ryan again. His brother was not even given a decent funeral – Darren didn’t even want to think about what had happened to Ryan’s dead body.

 

Also he had trouble accepting the fact that fate kept him from seeing Ryan at least one more time after Vicky’s funeral. He wanted to scream – shatter the sickening silence that was lingering over the abandoned train yard – to shake himself out of his thoughts that seemed too gruesome to be true. This whole situation felt so unreal. But it wasn’t unreal – Darren wished it was – but this was the cruel reality that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

 

As if Jack was not feeling bad enough right now – torn apart by his bad conscience – memories flashed up in his mind that he had managed to suppress until now. The realization of the fact that – when thinking deeper into it – Ryan’s behavior towards him was not hostile or an attempt to annoy him but rather the attempt to keep him from getting himself or others into real trouble. Most of the time he did not listen – he had wished more than once that Ryan would just disappear or die. That ultimately it was himself who sent him to death by his own hands was too much to cope with right now. He just wanted to run away – run away from his guilt but he was very well aware that there was no way out. How far he would ever attempt to run – no matter what he would do – his bad conscience would always catch up with him – the misery he had created would never leave him alone. It was from now on burned into his mind for all eternity. Any attempt to suppress his feelings would fail mercilessly. And Jack knew that he deserved no less. He would never be able to look Kim straight into the eyes again without being reminded that Ryan’s kids would never see their father again because of him.

 

_He would never be able to wash off the blood on his hands._

 

Some time later Jack took his head out of his hands and looked at Darren who seemed to not have moved even the slightest bit after they had sat down on the ground. Darren turned his head as well so that their looks met. For an instant that seemed to last forever they looked each other straight into the eyes over the short distance they were sitting apart from each other.

 

It was this moment when Darren – driven by pure rage and hatred - leaped up from the ground when Jack instinctively pulled his gun to point it at Darren. It was pure instinct only that made Jack doing it – he did not even have the slightest intention of hurting or even killing Darren.

 

The sight of Jack’s gun pointed at him increased Darren´s rage even more.

 

“What? Now me?” He screamed at Jack.

 

Jack suddenly realized what he was doing and lowered the gun instantly – unable to say anything in response.

 

Darren walked up the few steps towards Jack – who was still sitting on the ground – grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him up in one fierce movement. Darren was looking so hard and intensively into Jack’s eyes that Jack had trouble not to turn away or lower his head. They did not talk – not one single word – it was one of those moments when looks alone could say more than thousands of words ever could. Jack wondered what Darren was up to until the moment when in another fierce movement he grabbed the gun out of his hand to point it directly to Jack’s forehead.

 

Jack was not overly surprised by this – though he did not even make the slightest attempt of getting his gun back – he had resigned himself – wondering how it could ever have come this far. He did not feel any fear of dying but utter despair and regret – his eyes saying ---

 

_Go ahead, kill me to avenge Ryan - but believe me you won’t feel any better when doing so. Though I am by no means innocent as your brother was – taking out another human being’s life is the worst thing you could ever experience._

 

Jack realized that this was the first time ever in his life he realized this – now on what seemed to be the final moment in his life he thought about all the lives he had taken out; all of his wrongdoings of the past years flashed through his mind in seconds. The emotional pain this thoughts created was so unbearable that Jack now almost _wished_ to die.

 

Darren’s eyes were filled with nothing but pure, honest hatred.

 

“At least I will look straight into your eyes when I blow your head off.” Darren said, struggling hard not to suffer another breakdown. His hand was trembling. Something in him didn’t want to do this.

 

Jack’s only response was to nod his head slightly.

 

“What were his final words?” Darren asked in a very low tone of voice. It hurt beyond belief to ask this but he needed to know.

 

“I can’t… I can’t…,” Jack replied.

 

“In what context?”

 

“In the context that… that… Ryan wasn’t able to kill himself with my gun…,” Jack had trouble finding the right words – “He wanted to die with some more dignity than being shot by me like a criminal.”

 

This words hit Darren hard – he felt like being out of his mind – like all this was not really happening but rather being the worst nightmare he had ever experienced. Jack’s straight and honest words did something to him – even though he could not tell what – but his rage had disappeared in an instant. Once more tears were running down his broken facial expression. He closed his eyes but it didn’t help – the pain would not go away. Very slowly Darren was lowering the gun. He could not tell what was going on in his mind – he didn’t have his emotions under control anymore. And in addition to feeling emotionally sick he was now feeling physically sick as well.

 

_Are you seriously having sympathy for this man who murdered Ryan? The man who took away your only brother?_

 

It was not sympathy alone that kept Darren from shooting Jack – but rather the realization that killing him would not bring Ryan back to life. It would not change anything – except for being a murderer just like Jack.

 

Totally broken Darren dropped to his knees in front of Jack – the gun still in his hand.

 

Jack felt extremely bewildered by this – he couldn’t say or do anything. He realized that Darren was still holding the gun - though it was not pointed at him anymore.

 

_So this is how you want to punish me? Not kill me but recreate the image of your brother kneeling in front of me? Oh my god…_

 

Of course Jack did not have the slightest idea what was going on in Darren’s thoughts and that he did not intend to punish Jack in any form but was rather very close to a total breakdown.

 

Darren looked up to Jack who was still standing motionless in front of him before he lowered his head and started to cry like he had never before cried in his entire life. All of his rage was completely gone and he was overwhelmed by indescribable despair. He let it all out – crying and screaming – finally shattering the silence of this doomed place.

 

_Jack realized that the view Darren was displaying right now must have been the exact graphical embodiment of what was going on in Ryan’s head moments before he died - though managing to keep his composure to not to show it except for the single tear he had shed._

 

He had no idea what to do – somehow he felt the need to help Darren - but how? After all it was because of him that he was suffering the ultimate breakdown in front of his eyes. Jack remembered the moment when Ryan hugged him in relief when he thought that this life would be spared – back then in the holding room at CTU. It all came back – all memories of this day that he had managed to suppress for weeks.

 

_No way out, no way back._

 

But Jack didn’t even dare to touch Darren’s shoulder to show him that he was so sorry and broken that he did not even find the words to express it. So he just turned around and walked away a few steps.

 

After some time Darren regained his composure – he looked up into the sky and then got up from the ground, threw away the gun and without looking back at Jack he walked off into the darkness.

 

“I am so sorry,” Jack whispered but Darren did not hear him anymore.


End file.
